A Poem You Can Read

The Man of La Mancha, an Ingenious Gentleman

a knight-errant

who is Don Quixote

who is Alonso Quixano

and who is also Don Quijote

and tío

and Master

and friend

and beloved character,

who reads all night

asks why not live a storybook life -

who is armor and wisdom

who tosses lances at windmills

who loves horses and Sancho and,

above all, chivalry -

his dreams are alive and

he is living his dreams - he

who tells princesses; prostitutes,

lords; thieves, prisoners; actors

and Sancho, and Rocinante

that he loves Dulcinea:

"..her beauty is superhuman, since all the impossible and fanciful attributes of beauty which the poets apply to their ladies are verified in her"

who sends her gifts

and love letters -

whose heart is broken

because he cannot even

make her

learn

his

name -

who cannot win her,

cannot make her love him back

doesn't galavant around anymore -

has put the golden helmet down,

retired Rocinante,

has locked away his books

and thrown away his soul

round eyes open to what everyone else sees

has decided

there are bigger adventures

somewhere grander

and wonders

who will love him, who?

Let an Image be an Image.

All you need is love.

But love is the last thing you need.

Do you want to go out?

yes

maybe

no.

All you need is chocolate.

If you're selfless, you'll give me some.

Okay, love.

These Words Are My Diary, Screaming Out Loud

The Acrobat Man
First comes the light show:
A flickering here, then there...
a serene scene that leaves you in awe,
distracting your eyes.
Second, the shock:
The awful, exciting surprise
that freezes your spine, mouth open wide
and making a noise that cannot be yours.
Then comes the finale:
The acrobat flies!
Over the flickering lights, and the
corn-stalk audience
onto the pavement
into my arms,
into my tears:
Fin.

If you want to know the backstory: http://nikkiandsailboats.blogspot.com/2010/09/sometimes-you-just-need-to-talk-about.html

Oh, You Should Have Heard Them.

El Aire

Stark naked, a soul bearing all

stands, trembling, in the cold sliver of

a winter's moon.

Freed from its breathing shell,

from behind the heavy, weak beat

beat, beating bars -

escaping in final, long exhales

while the winter's moon vainly tries

to clothe the naked,

to feed the hungry soul with its luminescence.

Stark naked, a soul bearing all

stands, starving, in the cold sliver of

a winter's moon.

Fading slowly into night,

a soul discovers that moonlight is food for fireflies -

and while life is short

death is shorter.

The Juggling Comes to an End Now

Where are You From?

I am from grey carpet
white walls
and black furniture.
Airports and changing time zones,
passports and checked bags,
a family of nomads is where I'm from.

I am from BDU's
and MRE's
and TDY's
and OPSEC
and the DoDEA.

I am from "Yes sir"
and "No running in the house"
and "Don't hit your sister"
and "Happiness is a choice"
and "Have you seen my hamster?"

I am from footpaths to
ship rides to
covered wagons
to a new Dodge Nitro.
England, Denmark, Pacheco, Blanding,
Stuttgart, Wurzberg, Zama, San Angelo,
San Pedro, Sagamihara, Syracuse,
Logan,
Minneapolis is where I'm from.

I am from enchiladas, taco salad
Spaghetti, sloppy joes, ice cream
and sandwiches
Hold the gluten, please.

I am from daddy daughter dates
and perpetual nick names:
Ray, Don, Ron, Jon, Nikki.
I am from long walks across great plains
and longer walks across dangerous deserts.
Pioneers
Soldiers
Unwavering Mothers and Wives
A family of Heroes
That's where I'm from.

Protect the Child

I was Little Red Riding Hood.
I was running from your bare teeth,
your maniacal grin,
your raspy voice:
“I'm going to get you, little girl.”

I was Little Red Riding Hood.
I was hiding from your harsh hands,
your insatiable hunger,
your watering mouth:
“I'm going to gobble you up.”

I was Little Red Riding Hood.
I was naïve enough to trust you,
your cold heart,
and even colder words:
“This is all your fault.”

I was Little Red Riding Hood,
running through woods of worry.
There was no axe-man to save me.
You're still out there

and she will be Little Red Riding Hood.

The Ghost

Why is it that you leave me wordless?
Everything I see speaks poetry to my soul.
But when I go to write of you,
I am left with an empty page.

Are you empty inside?
Why is it that you leave me wordless?

We All Know Someone.

Dear Uncle

Sleep Walker
Walking over hollow egg shells
containing the air you use to breathe.
Sleep Walker
Walking over broken glass, cutting feet
deliberately, is it deliberately?
Sleep Walker
Stepping on your children’s lives
and throwing away all your talent
--- and all your influence.

Oh Sleep Walker,
Walking off the edge into the ocean,
when you drown, you hope you really drown.
And, Sleep Walker -
If you don’t...I hope they find you
I hope they bind and hide you in the room with the white and padded walls.
After walking into so many walls
You’re bound to wake up

She found herself in wonderland.

a gray cloud moves across a blue sky
a single shadow casted as it drifts by

not even the sun can penetrate this blockade
heat is gone, and colors start to fade.

a sun that sets and never rises
oh world of unhappy surprises...

give me rest.

Nothing is scarier than feeling like someone stole your diary.

Forget their words, Love
Everyone is lying through their teeth to you
Pick up the pieces of yourself
that you've left scattered on the floor
All of those empty promises and words
they'll come together to form a song that
you've been singing your whole life

We've all seen bad days
but somehow you've gotten more than most
There are days where the rain beats down
and you've been caught with no umbrella
but the sun always breaks through
when you smile.

Can I protect you? Somehow I don't think
anybody can - though we all want to.
Can I love you? Will you let me if you try?
or does this scare you? Is that the reason
why that fear is in your eyes?

Forget their looks, Love.
No matter what you do, they'll judge you anyway
Put that face on; the one you keep masked
behind the rest.
All of those angry stares and hollow eyes
they have no clue what you've seen
I bet they'd cry to be where you have been
Forget the looks, Love.

Can you feel the sunlight?
It's a sign that only good things are to come-
if you let them.
There's no more time to close the doors
no time to run, no one can hurt you.

Look at have you've grown
and who you've become
- and yet - in the end I still struggle to find
words for you, friend.

Just look ahead, love.
Just turn your head, love.
Don't look into their eyes or mind their open lies

Forget the world love
Forget
Forget, love.

I let the daisies die but I have yet to throw them out.

Words used to line up neatly
Forming simple prose and poetry
But my talent died - eluded me
I've lost all of my creativity

In a box of black and gloom
Word flowers aren't able to bloom
To feel means inevitable doom
My heart deserted and my mind an empty room

To say goodbye to a soul friend
To pretend the wound will mend.
When it comes to loss there is no end
when it comes to loss there is no end

Teenage Drama

I wrote this when I was like...15. It's not really meant to make much sense unless you know the exact situation I'm talking about. I found it and thought I'd put it in here, just in case I ever want to look at it again!

--------

I use to try hard to hold back the tears
I've kept them suppressed for so many years
You walked out the door, and we don't know why

I guess this time it's okay to cry.

You took our hearts and walked away.
I don't want to miss you today.

Can you come back?
I swear I'll forgive you
Just come home.
We don't want to miss you.

You're not the same person we used to know
You used to love us, but now you don't
I remember days when you used to care.

I have a fear I'll be just like you
Emotionally lost and no clue what to do
Eventually "mine" will write about me
wishing for me to be who I used to be

- And maybe it will save me.

Alone, Poe

Alone
Edgar Allen Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw -- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring --
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow -- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone --
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone --
Then -- in my childhood -- in the dawn
Of a most stormy life -- was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still --
From the torrent, or the fountain --
From the red cliff of the mountain --
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold --
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by --
From the thunder, and the storm --
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view --

Wrap your arms around me until your knuckles are burning white.

I think way too much.
I am tired of constantly reminding myself that the 'problems' don't lay with me.
It's my job to turn things around, to keep them positive.
It just gets so exhausting.

Growing up I was constantly in this dialogue with my father:
He would say: "Nikki, what is your job?"
My answer: "To keep [insert sibling name] happy."

This has worked against me in quite a few ways. I've come to learn that I come second to myself.
However, I've also convinced myself that [particularly in relationships] because my 'significant other' comes before me, that I am also #1 on his list.

On some level, I feel like it's absurd that I put others before me... and I find it even more absurd that I would put myself before another on their 'list'.... what a twisted web we've spun!

Pieces of me:

Sometimes I drive a little too fast
And don’t realize the time has passed
I turn the radio up way too loud

I’m trying to drive straight through my life
And drown out all I’ve left behind
But I don’t want to do that anymore

Trains Collide

Nickels

I don’t want to pick up the broken parts of you
I don’t want to fix you up with string or tape or glue
I don’t want to change the way your pieces fell
Even in your broken state, I find you beautiful

I don’t want to cure you of your shattered state
I don’t want to mend your heart, or try to make you right
I don’t want to heal you, help you or change the way you are
I just want to stand beside you as all your pieces fall

You don’t need a hand to hold or a dream to share
You don’t need a friend to listen, cry or care
You don’t need a thing, a wish, a prayer to keep you right
But that doesn’t mean you stand alone in this lifelong fight.

Rain

Trust

Gravity pulls words from your mouth
Lays them on the ground
And watches as people step and slip all over

How funny. Isn’t that what you had planned all along?