Sad-urday Morning.

It's really interesting how death can put a relationship into perspective. When Jamie died, it became very obvious to me how much we communicated - facebook, phone. I hadn't ever noticed when it was happening. He became a permanent presence in my life when I was 15. I forgot what life was like without him - so when he drove his motorcycle into Heaven on his way to school, it was a huge shock.

It was then that I noticed - it was then that I remembered - what an important figure he had become in my life. 

But with my grandma - she'd always been there. There hadn't ever been a time where she didn't exist for me. I came into her life, not the other way around. My whole life is almost entirely built upon a foundation that she created for her family.  But when she passed (in August), it didn't hit me like a freight train the way that Jamie's death did. 

Instead, it's been a slow process. Slow. Painful. Jamie's death was overwhelming in a way that fried my brain for a solid year. It was such a shock to the system that it changed the way I function - probably forever.

My grandma's death feels more like I'm being starved. 

Can I call grandma and tell her about the crazy muffins I made this week? No.

I'm so excited to see grandma this October. No, you're not. She's dead.

I'm sick in the middle of the night, I'm going to text her because I know she's awake. Not this time.

I hate myself, I hate my body and I hate everything I do. Grandma knows what to say. Nope.

I ate a giant meal. I should probably let Grandma know about it. She thinks I never eat... Still Nope.

I want to sit in Grandma's closet and listen to all the music boxes play at once. Never, ever, again.

It's amazing how many times in a week I forget that she's gone. I was there. I kissed her goodbye. I cried with my cousins. I comforted and was comforted. 

But there is a part of me that seems to be inconsolable. Something that rejects the attempts at comfort and refuses to accept that she's no longer living. An abusive little part of my heart that wants me to regularly relive the loss of her.

I don't like knowing what a huge part of my life I lost. It's true - you never know what you've got until it's gone. Especially when you've had it around you your whole life. 

Superlatives

I left school yesterday feeling pretty sick. Some virus has been hitting the students & teachers at Anthony pretty hard, and it is my turn.

But, even in my hour of illness, I found it absolutely essential to keep my promise to the students I taught at Armstrong - and so I put on my sweater and braved a high school football game. Well, part of one anyway. I left after an hour. I just stayed long enough for the kids to see me.

This morning, I'm paying for that little excursion. But it seems a teacher's work never ends because, despite the fever and the other stuff, I'm sitting on my floor surrounded by vocabulary story-quizzes and student research for the quarter final project.

And you know how I am...I hate to be selfish and keep these little gems of student work to myself. So I'm back...with some funny student stuff, and a short photo essay that illustrates my week. Enjoy.

*Weird side note: I told the students exactly how much work they needed to do for an a/b/c/d/f and it was amazing at how many students elected to get a b/c of their own free will! Especially because if they'd used one or two more words in context correctly, they'd have gotten an A....

Student Research:

Who are you researching? Ellen Degeneres
What have they done to make a positive change? Well, she's gay. So obviously she supports gay right.

Who are you researching? Abraham Lincoln
What have they done to make a positive change: Tried to end slavery (and kill every vampire in America).

Best one-liners from the vocab story-quizzes:

- Then all of a sudden my excitement abated when my friend got pissed.
- My sister and I were vexed by the malevolent George Bush.
- The malevolent and languid man, who was the epitome of a behemoth, woke up in his scintillating, yet derelict, house feeling vexed - though it was nebulous as to why; his ephemeral temper about this subject shortly abated when he got up, absconded with his roomates wallet and usurped the ring of power from Sauron.
(Yes, that 7th grader really wrote every word in one sentence).

Most common sentence used:
It was behemoth.

The music video we watched and analyzed this week (which became a huge hit and now my students walk around singing it):

The video that got the most smart phones taken away this week:


My week in photos:

Word of the Day: Languid

If you would have walked by my window at around 6 pm yesterday evening, you would have found me cross-legged on the floor, sobbing over a stubbed toe.

But the tears weren't really about the stubbed toe at all. I was crying because it was - as they say - the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'd had a rough day. Week...2 weeks. I've been having a rough few weeks. Your first year of teaching is no joke...

Anyway, yesterday I had a substitute teacher. The whole English department did! We were on a "data retreat" where we spent the whole day in a long meeting about MYP, IEP's, GTT, IB, FI...WTF? IDK.

In the afternoon, there was some planning time. So that was nice.

As I was saying, it was a long day. I walked away from it feeling this much more inadequate and that much more like I'm breaking all my students, and ever so slightly irked that my life has seemingly disappeared. School, home + chores, grading, sleep, school!

And then I stubbed my toe. I'd had enough! So I cried for an hour without being able to articulate why. In fact, I couldn't articulate anything at all.

So as you can imagine, I got ready for work this morning in a languid fashion. I was unsure of how I would reign in my already rambunctious kids after a day-long-party with a sub. But when I walked into my room, I was greeted with a blackboard filled with drawings like this:

(this one is actually a few days old, but I forgot to take pictures of the ones today).

They said things like, "We miss you Ms. Hansen - period 1" and "Tristen loves Ms. Hansen" and "we love you!" and "Ms. Hansen is the most awesome teacher ever."

When they actually arrived in classes I found out that the sub:
1.) called a student in first hour (my perfect class) a slut. uhm...what?
2.) made her own rules despite me leaving her our class norms.
3.) referred to herself as the rockstar sub.
4.) allowed students in 6th hour to get into a physical altercation that left other students feeling unsafe.

Needless to say, the students were happier than ever to see me. There were many requests that I "never, ever leave again."

Of course, they felt differently at the end of the hour. But that doesn't stop them from drawing hearts for me. <3 p="p">

Vocabulary Quiz

Best misused words:

I was afraid for a behemoth when I saw my friend's Halloween costume.
(In this case, "behemoth" was being used as "a short moment, fleeting.")

This test is scintillating.
(Scintillating is also being used as "a short moment, fleeting.")

I abate a lot.
(This one was just to be a punk. He knew the meaning of the word and decided to be a smart-aleck. )

I will scintillate this sentence.
(The word he was looking for was alliterate).

I had an idea but it epitomed out of my head.
(epitome : abscond).

Favorite misspelling:

jewels : gewls

To Teach

To remind myself why I'm doing this:

Hey Teacher! How You Sound?

I am looking through the students' binders before I actually grade them. Kind of a "first reading" - if you will - so that I don't get distracted while I grade. Here are the gems so far:

Things that helped my students:

This most helpful thing was the word of the day because instead of just you telling it to us, we used it in sentences.

I like how you eased in to homework. It helped a lot. I think we can now get a little more since now I am used to it.

I liked that you gave us the T.S. Eliot poem because it was challenging.

I like that you let me draw what's in my mind when I'm having trouble writing it. 

You helped us by showing us pictures.

This week, I'd like more time to write in class. I found it helpful that you often had directions on the board as well as saying them. 

Examples of hyperbole:

He's so cheap, he licks other peoples fingers at KFC.

My teacher is so nice, she should win the Nobel Peace Prize.

My teacher is so tall, she bumps her head on the moon.

Examples of personification:

The eraser hungrily ate up the chalky letters, his appetite never satisfied and always ready to try new things without hesitation.

Favorite misspellings of the week:

wore : whore
neighbor: neybior

I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends.

School has been in session now for 7 days (I subtracted the weekend/holiday). Everyday as I am leaving I think to myself, "Gee, Nikki. You really ought to sit down and write about what you're doing. Write about what happened today." So I sit down. I grab a pen. I open my laptop.

Whatever.

I try to write, but nothing comes.

Okay. That's a lie. Lots of things come to mind when I sit down to write, but I can't put the words together in a fine, prose-like fashion. If I let the words loose, they will come out jumbled and jagged. Unruly and loud. They'll slip and stumble instead of aligning neatly.

Actually, that sounds a lot like my 7th graders.

Because I seem to be unable to write everything I'd like to, I'm just going to write a list of the things I have found interesting thus far:

1.) I did not experience any 1st day jitters. None!
2.) A large, stuffed teddy bear can do a lot to calm down energetic children.
3.) My largest class (40) is easier to contain than my 5th hour class (25).
4.) iPods are not the enemy.
5.) Students will still ask you the directions, even after you have had them repeat the steps back to you at least 3 times...
6.) Sometimes, it's more effective to just use a regular speaking voice than it is to yell.

Actually, let's talk about #6. Something crazy fascinating happened in my last hour, today. They were (understandably) unruly. We had a lot to get through, and 3/4 of the class was waiting on 1/4 of the chatty cathy's to shut up. So, instead of yelling, "Quiet down, folks!" I just started using my "normal" voice. I gave the directions, and then started reading the excerpt we were focusing on. The kids who wanted to hear me actually came and stood in a circle around me (a decision they made totally on their own). This really caught the attention of the kids who had been off task, and they came and joined the circle. Soon, everyone was silent and engaged - we were totally able to complete our learning goal.

So there you have it.
The kids are crazy, the expectations are high, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.