I'll Take Calligraphy and Then I'll Make a Fake Degree

Dear Senior Paper,

I want to go to the store and gym so I can be skinny and healthy, but alas -
You keep me here, in PJ's, with a jug of orange juice and a bottle of advil - making me fat, tired, and annoyed.
Please write yourself,

Nikki

Who needs school when you can have welfare?

What. The. Hell.

I have been spending hours looking for scholarships that I can apply for so that I can help pay for my masters degree.
So far, you're only qualified for financial aid if you are:

1.) an orphan
2.) left handed
3.) a minority
4.) an abuse victim
5.) a drug addict in recovery
6.) an athlete
7.) a convicted felon
8.) a minority woman

Forget the fact that there are white, right handed men and women who want to go to school and contribute to the world without falling into serious debt or anchoring their families down with bills and then proceeding to feel guilty for the rest of their lives!

No, no sir. It doesn't seem to matter. White people going for their masters degrees get to pay for it out of pocket, or get a loan! No one wants to give any more privilege than is necessary to the white person. Heaven forbid a white person with good grades with a mediocre life get some financial assistance for academic achievement!

And - guess what - you can't make me feel bad for this. White people contribute to diversity, too. Look at the Italian, Polish, German, Irish, Scottish, Danish, Russian, Finnish, French, Australian/Kiwi, English Americans in this country! Does that not SCREAM diversity? What about the diverse backgrounds we come from? Don't those count for anything?

Apparently not. White people are not allowed to ask for anything. Ever.
We're suppose to go into debt, get jobs, and try to pay off our debt while the government continues to rob us blind.

And don't forget to smile, if you complain - you're a racist.

I needed a laugh!

Click on the photo to make it bigger, it's pretty funny stuff.




No offense, guys.

You Haven't Lived If You Haven't Tried These!

I've done it, yes, I've done it!
Today, I embarked on a mission to create the best and perfect Gluten Free brownie recipe ever in existence- and I have done it!
The best part is, I did it on my very first try!! (And guess what Lex - They're free of soy, wheat, corn AND peanuts too).

Sure, I purchased a $15 bag of Almond Meal/Flour - I figure the more you spend, the better it will taste right?... and I spent $8 on Ghirardelli Chocolate... but when you taste these brownies, it's like none of that even matters.

I'm not kidding you. I licked the spoon and the beaters - I had to restrain myself from licking the bowl.
I can't take ALL the credit though. I did base my recipe off of a standard "with gluten" recipe that used 3/4 C of flour. I just substituted that with something more interesting. And the melted chocolate was my idea, too.

That being said, you haven't lived until you've eaten one of these. I promise. All you gluten-eaters out there will start questioning your loyalty to wheat after this....

Here's what you'll need:
1/2 C Almond Meal/Flour (Bob's Red Mill has it)
1/4 C Brown Rice Flour
2 eggs
1 stick of butter
5 oz of chocolate (I used 100% cacao, so mine turned out like a super awesome dark chocolate brownie)
1 C brown (or white) sugar
1 tsp salt
2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp of baking soda

I also added chocolate chips to the top. =)

Here's what to do:
Preheat the oven to 350.
Line an 8x8 brownie pan with foil, and lightly oil the foil.

In a double boiler, melt the butter and chocolate together and set aside.
In another bowl, beat the eggs until they get kind of foamy. Add the brown sugar and mix well (no one likes brown sugar lumps).
Slowly add the butter/chocolate mixture into the egg/sugar mix and blend well.

In a separate bowl, combine the flour(s), salt and baking soda (or baking powder if you prefer it). Mix well.
Add the flour to the chocolatey goodness and blend until smooth.

Lick the spoon. Gasp. Rejoice.

Pour brownie mixture into the pan. Add Chocolate Chips on top and throw in the oven for ~35 minutes.

Let the pan cool before you lift the foil out. Cut and serve - but not too early or they'll fall apart!

I'm not sure how to adjust it for altitude... so you're on your own for that one :) just watch carefully I guess?

And here is the nutrition info (if you use the ghirardelli stuff, anyway):

9 Servings
Amount Per Serving

Calories 327.4
Total Fat 23.9 g

Saturated Fat 12.9 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.6 g
Monounsaturated Fat 3.1 g

Cholesterol 68.7 mg
Sodium 424.0 mg
Potassium 84.8 mg
Total Carbohydrate 35.9 g

Dietary Fiber 3.4 g
Sugars 26.3 g

Protein 4.6 g

The Secret Life of a Celiac

I've deleted my "Secret Life of a Celiac" blog and will, instead, be posting my gluten-free cooking adventures here.

I was at the grocery store yesterday looking at all the gluten free flours.

Buckwheat.
Sorghum.
Potato.
Coconut.
Brown Rice.
White Rice.
Oat.
Corn.
Bean, and more...

As I stared at these flours I felt an overwhelming desire to purchase them all, and start going to town on brownie, cookie, cake and pie crust recipes.

I resisted that urge, but I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold out. I want to find the perfect gluten free recipes for the following:
brownies
pie crust
canales
cupcakes
pastry dough

If that means I have to make a tray of brownies every day for a month, then I guess that is what I'll have to do!! It's a shame you all don't live closer so I could test these products on you :)

We All Know Someone.

Dear Uncle

Sleep Walker
Walking over hollow egg shells
containing the air you use to breathe.
Sleep Walker
Walking over broken glass, cutting feet
deliberately, is it deliberately?
Sleep Walker
Stepping on your children’s lives
and throwing away all your talent
--- and all your influence.

Oh Sleep Walker,
Walking off the edge into the ocean,
when you drown, you hope you really drown.
And, Sleep Walker -
If you don’t...I hope they find you
I hope they bind and hide you in the room with the white and padded walls.
After walking into so many walls
You’re bound to wake up

Photo Blog

Oh, it is love - from the first time I set my eyes upon yours!