Sometimes, you just need to talk about it.

Life is full of various traumatic events.

Being potty trained.
Learning to walk.
Falling off a bike.
Being bitten by a dog.
Getting stung by a bee.
Getting hit by a car.
Losing a friend.
Losing a best friend.
Losing a family member.
Being robbed.
Being assaulted.
Paying taxes...

etc...

The list is infinite. There are strange, weird, unexpected things that happen to us all the time that traumatize us on one level or another.

I need to talk about one. I've been in denial or shock or something for about a month now - and it needs to come out. I decided this last night, when I realized it was the 6th or 7th time I'd bawled myself to sleep over this event. I'm in need of a comfort of sorts, a hug, a "I'm so sorry you went through this" or a "is there anything you need?"

I suppose it's too late for those kinds of things. I'll just tell you what happened.

I drove from MN to UT on July 18th so that I could get home in time for my parents and brother to go on a trip. I was going to watch the kids and hang out with one of my best friends. I was on a freeway leaving Nebraska/just entering Wyoming. It was dark because it was night... it was really late, but I don't remember the exact time. There hadn't been anyone on the road for miles and miles and it didn't look like anyone was going to be joining me on my late-night expedition through the midwest. No one, save the fireflies. It was my first time ever seeing them with my own eyes, and I was definitely in awe.

I was driving fairly fast... 75 or so, when I saw a large semi up ahead. Because I am deathly afraid of semi trucks, I instantly slowed down. I looked down to change the radio, and when I looked up again the semi had managed to do some sort of acrobatic move and was now colliding with an RV that had been driving in the same lane.

Both went spinning uncontrollably, and then both tumbled off the road. The semi was swallowed by the darkness and the RV rolled and rolled... but not before launching the driver (or maybe the front seat passenger) out of the windshield. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. The RV joined the semi in the abyss of what I can only assume were vast corn fields. The man, launched through the windshield, was now face-grinding the pavement. Meanwhile, I was pulling over as quickly as possible. I threw my car into park and ran full speed toward this now motionless entity laying on the pavement. I stood there, looking down at him, hoping he'd move. I looked around for others - no one. No other drivers. No other passengers. I called the police... although I think one of the vehicles had a first response system because they told me police were already on the way.

I knelt down toward the man, and gave him a shove so that I could see his face. I don't lie when I say there wasn't much left of a face at all, just a bloody mess and lots of crud. I couldn't tell if he was dead or alive, but either way I couldn't leave him. If he was alive, I couldn't let him suffer alone. If he was dying, or dead, I couldn't let him die alone - a bleeding mess on a freeway.

I sat/squatted down on the road next to him, rubbing his arm almost as if to comfort myself more than anything. I held him as best I could (he was heavy, so I mostly just cradled his arm) and waited until finally an officer arrived. He asked me what I knew (for contact info and the likes), and I told him everything I saw. He evaluated the man and looked at me with a very sad face. He told me to get in my car and go, that more help was close behind, that I didn't have to stay there any longer unless I wanted to. I feel like I looked at him for a very long time, although it was probably only a few seconds, and walked over to my car. I sat. I cried. I drove and cried.

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Sometimes I feel like the world asks you to keep these things kept inside. "Don't burden others with your grief."

Sometimes, you can't grieve unless someone else helps ease the weight of the pain.

Sometimes, you just need to talk about it.

A road trip to remember!

So, because I've been having cardiac and internal organ issues, my doctor(s) have asked me not to fly for the time being.
In order to get here, to Utah, to see my family, I had to drive!

At approximately two AM yesterday morning, I got in my car (in Minneapolis). Google Maps had estimated a trip time of 21 hours. I scoffed at the idea. How could it possibly take that long when I planned to drive 10 mph over the entire time?

And so my journey began.

I popped in the 1st disc to "The Magician's Nephew" (Chronicles of Narnia) and made way for Des Moines, Iowa. The drive was dark, and relatively boring... so having C.S. Lewis read to me was quite nice. By the time I got to Des Moines, I was ready to put in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." I also desperately needed gas.

So I stopped. I stopped at a place called "Kum&Go." Way to be, Midwest! I thought, hey, maybe I'll use the bathroom while I'm here. Of course, the only woman in the bathroom didn't close her stall door (she was quite large) - siiiiick.

I left Des Moines, with higher hopes for Nebraska. I hate Nebraska. For about 400 miles of my trip, I was stuck in one lane traffic behind semi's going 45. There went alllll my hopes for being early and cutting my drive! I stopped in Omaha, and then made way for North Platte (the creepiest town there ever was). I listened to The Chronicles of Narnia, occasionally turning it off to scream, talk to myself or pretend I was on the Battle Star Galactica as Kara Thrace. I also drove right into one of the biggest, freakiest storms I've ever seen.

Finally - Wyoming! Hoorah! I was elated to be in a decent state! I got some gas in a very small town called Kearney (I think that's in Wyoming) and made way for Laramie. At this point, one of my food containers that happened to be containing some amount of oil (because it was mixed with my black bean salad) decided to burst all over me and my food container, ruining my shirt. I was already loony as I had been in the car for 12 hours... so I laughed and then I screamed.

I thought, this can't possibly get worse. Then I got to Laramie for gas where I noticed a hissing sound from one of my tires. My tire was going flat! I tried 3 different car shops, the first one had a box of live crickets next to the consessions so I left... the second one wasn't interested in my car, and the third one was kind shabby, with a dog in it... but they fixed it. I ended up running into someone from Yokosuka there! (It's a smaaaaall world). That put me back about an hour =( but it got fixed and I was on my way once more.

At my final stop before making way through to the UT border, an energy drink in my cooler (also) exploded.... causing the top of the cooler to open slightly, spraying all natural steaze energy all over my phone, dashboard...face, arm, hand and cooler. Then my mom texted me and asked where I was. I wanted to cry and say I wasn't coming home, I couldn't drive anymore...

But I just ate my OTHER bean salad and got on to UT.

The last bit wasn't too bad, 'cept for the sun beating in and the smell of energy drink wafting through the car... maybe it helped keep me awake?

Finally, I got home at 10:00 pm. What a terrible and long day! Can't wait to do it again on July 1. :)

ps: I took some pictures of a few of these events. I will post them eventually