I can't help but feel it, that guilty feeling. That feeling that I'm forcing people to go out of their way to accomodate an invisible illness. I can't help but wonder, "Do people exhale a sigh of relief if I decide not to join them for dinner?" Do they feel like a burden has been lifted because they don't have to "eat like me"?
I can't help but wonder, "Do people prefer if I don't go on a trip with them?" They can pack tortillas and bread into their backpacks as they head into the mountains, not a care in the world. Crackers, beef jerky, licorice, granola bars. Do they feel guilty for packing those things if I join them?
Why?
I do not care if you pack a sandwich. I do not care if you order pizza for dinner. I do not envy your powerbar. I do not miss the tortillas. My feelings are not hurt if you eat the cinnamon roll.
I don't change my eating habits for you. Why would I expect you to change your eating habits for me?
But...I can't help but wonder:
Would my parents prefer I skip Thanksgiving, so they don't feel obligated to the the wheat-less stuffing?
Do people prefer it when I decline their invitations for dinner, because they can more fully enjoy themselves?
Is it easier if I just don't eat at all?
Do people think I'm defected?
Should I pretend to eat that cookie so people don't know?
Should I just not say anything next time?
Is it okay that I write this blog?
Who am I making uncomfortable with my dilemma?
Do people think I'm just picky?
Is it okay if I don't want to pick the restaurant because I don't want this to rule my life?
Is it okay if I just eat where you want to eat? I usually make do.
Would my friends prefer I don't bring snacks to share with the class?
Is my food really all that bad tasting?
Why are people afraid to eat their food in front of me?
Why do they apologize when they eat in front of me?
I'm not starving. I'm not drooling. I'm not even desiring: that food hurts me. I don't want it. I'm not sorry I can't eat it.
I can't help but wonder:
Whose dilemma is this? It's certainly not mine.
5 comments:
I feel the same with my new diet. What you can't eat xyz. What do mean you can't eat more than 4oz at a time. I just take a minute and educate and then go on living life instead of worrying about food.
I know you aren't vegan but this was an interesting point by Portia De Rossi http://www.thisdishisvegetarian.com/2011/07/1787portia-de-rossi-its-more-difficult.html
She says it's more difficult to be vegan than gay because of some of the points you raised.
You are welcome to come on a trip or eat dinner with me anytime. I think of celiacs as an added adventure in cooking and snacks.
People will take the cue from you. If it's no big deal to you, it's no big deal to them. Any concerns are just for your well being.
Of course we want you to come to
Thanksgiving! You are cooking it! ;0)
"If it's no big deal to you, it's no big deal to them." I agree. Besides, it's like anything else. Explain it as an "allergy'; people seem to get that one. It's something you're born with that you can't control. :) Love ya!
Being one of those 'picky' eaters you were talking about, I actually understand this blog on a different level. My friends are actually more accepting of my finickiness than my family who treat me as if not liking something they make is a personal affront to them. So I get it!
BTW, I like going out with you. I don't care if you don't eat what I eat, or if you give me a hard time that I think most veggies are gross. I just like to spend time with you. =)
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