Letters

Nights are not good for me. It's dark, I'm alone. I was trying to find a disc to reformat my computer when I came across some letters.

Letters from Jamie while he was on his mission. I didn't find all of them - but I found a few, and that is better than anything.

So I opened them, read them and now I'm going to post them here. In chronological order :)

If you haven't figured out Jamie's personality yet ---- you will!

Letter #1: Written on 11.9.2006 but sent on 2.12.07 =)

Dear Nikki,

I am so sorry it's taken me so stinkin' long to write you a letter. I don't even know where to begin. How's college? Do you live at the dorms or at home? Roommates? How's life? Are you still going thru Japan withdrawal?
Mission is great. Of course, I'm way busy, that goes without saying. Something way cool happened this week. Well, first of all, I'm in Seoul right now. My last area was Incheon. So in my last area, my companion and I taught this lady named EE Jung Min. She's getting baptized this Sat. I haven't seen her in over 7 weeks, but she asked me to baptize her. I'm so excited for her, she's gonne be such a great member!! Hey, that remind me of [name removed for privacy reasons]! You remember her? How's she doing? Is she in Kansa? What about Shirley Gray? Have you heard from her? I wish I could stay in touch wih everyone, but it's so hard with no time and via snail mail. Not much longer now. Single digit months now. Crazy how fast it's gone. Speaking of which... I'm running out of time as usual.
Well Nikki, I hope you're doing great. Tell your family I said Hey.

Jamie

PS: Your song is still the best gift I've ever gotten. You rock!
(written on the back: Sorry It's way late. I was cleaning my desk this A.M. and I found it! Remember who you are!!!

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Written 12-28-2006

Dear Nikki,

AAAAAHHHH it's been soooo loooong! Thank you for staying in touch, even when I didn't. I hope you had a merry christmas. Wow, so one semester down, congratulations. Where ya workin'? I still can't believe you're in college. How's your family doing? Tell your folks I said hi. Kam and Shannan too. If you're looking at a mission as an escape from school stress, I wouldn't consider it. Missions are way fun and awesome, but I've never felt more stressed. Korea is okay. Don't even try to tell me Americans are crazy drivers!
Today is the first cold day of the winter....buuuurrrr....Christmas was way cool and way different. Well sorry this is short and kinda lame (you know I can't help that :p) but I'm swamped.
Hope you have a very happy new year.

Jamie

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1.18.2007

Dear Nikki,

What up?! Are you for serious?! Is Charlie really already home?! Man, it's so strange to me that everyone has gotten so old! So do you talk to K**** a bunch? If ya do, tell her I said, "Get outta my car!!!" Thx :) Were K**** and Charlie dating? Is he in UT or Japan? As for me, I'll be done in August, but I think my parents are going to visit and I want to stop in Japan on the way home and say, "hi" to some old friends. We had such a sweet branch!
Tell your parents I said hello. You can even say so to Kameron. Is he a senior?? So, have you readjusted to America yet? Do you still play guitar? You gave me such a sweet gift, it's still my favorite by far. Do you know anything about Chewy or David?
Well, if I were you, I'd be seriously considering a mission because they are so stinkin' awesome. Fo sho, I'm having a blast, learning/growing a ton, and helping folks. Hope you are doing well and getting the most out of life... cuz there's a lot!
Peace!

Jamie
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6 - 7 - 07

Dear Sister Hansen,
Hello!
It's been a while.
Thanks for your email last week. It's so strange that you know Israelson. He was my mission brother. He used to be my zone leader too. I trust none of the pictures I happened to be in were inappropriate :)
Wow! Your first year of college, done! Congratulations! What are your plans for the summer? Why has your dad been so busy? Did you pass along my regards? You know, I was just talking to my companion the other day about you. We were talking about good gifts and I told him about the best present I had ever received. The song you wrote for me. He made fun of me, but I still think that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you! I'm sure you can relate; it was really hard for me to leave Japan. Sometime I wish, after my mission, I would go home to our old branch and everyone would still be there.

Oh well. I guess that's what the celestial kingdom is for.

I was greatly saddened by your report of ******. Do you stay in touch with her pretty well?

Nikki, the fact that you not only have ducks, but that their names are Ella and Peking is very much a reflection of you. I read that and thought it was hilarious. Where do you keep'em? Do you have roommates? Do your potentially existing roommates want to eat your ducks? I can't believe Kameron is a senior! Tell him I said hi. Have a great day,

Love
Jamie

ps: if you're wondering, I'll be home in Sept. Laters!
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7.5.2007

Dear Nikki,

Thank you for your emails. I don't know where you get off thinking I hate them! You should know I don't mind randomness. Thank you for your poem. I liked it very much. It's a good thing you're going to be an English teacher because you've definitely got some skills with literature. My former best friend is an English teacher, too. She works with 8th graders, I think. I say "former" because she got married, so we can't be "Best" friends anymore. That would just be awkward. This is - was - her first year teaching and she loved it. I imagine you'll be quite successful as well.

A new sister, huh? That's...interesting. I've got an interesting perspective on this situation. Anyway, before I go on you need to know something I do. Your parents love each other, and they love you. You can never be replaced. Never. I know this because I had an interesting <-- I need a thesaurus! This is what happens on missions, you lose your once sweet writing skills. Anyway, I had an AMAZING experience with your parents when we went to the temple one time. We were in the sealing room doing proxy sealings. Your mom was proxy mom, and likewise, your dad was the proxy dad. I was acting as a proxy son. I don't recall much other than that and the feelings I felt that night. The following fast sunday, all 3 of us got up during sacrament meeting and bore testimony about that experience and that feeling. To attempt to convey that feeling by words in ridiculous, but simply it clearly stated two truths to my heart: 1.) The family we were doing this for has accepted our work and 2.) brother and sister Hansen love each other and their family. To me there was no doubt, no second thoughts, no confusion. The spirit clearly bore witness of those 2 TRUTHS to my soul.

I didn't really know why then, but perhaps it was so I could testify of truth now, today. I will tell you the same thing I tell my investigators, do not believe my words. Go, ask for yourself if the words which I have spoken are not true. Because they are, I know the Lord will make it known unto thee.

Nikki, I pray this meeting with your sister turns out to be a wonderful blessing to you.

I will be home on 8/30. Your family and you are of course welcome to my homecoming :) I'll keep ya posted. Well, I hope you're happy. If not - here are some dumb pictures of me. Have a great day!

Love,

Jamie.

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Hello Again, Friend.

Dear Jamie,

I still miss you every day. It's finals week - at this point in time we usually text about how we aced something, failed something terribly or whatever. I had a spanish oral interview yesterday. I shook in fear the whole time. I got so scared I stopped talking. I was almost crying. It was so ridiculous - you would have laughed SO hard at me.

I was going through my iTunes just a bit ago. Your music-thumbprint is all over my playlist. Sometimes I play certain songs over and over again like maybe they'll bring you back or something. Sometimes I find myself rummaging through the memorabilia I have from our funny times together. Pictures, letters, anything. I know that if I assemble these things together that it won't change anything, but I'm still not ready for you to be gone.

All of those problems I was having have mostly sorted themselves out. I like to think that maybe you're having fun up there, changing the outcomes of our lives with all of your new-found immense immortal power. Like maybe you chill up there with God and say things like "Hey, Nikki would do something really funny if you made this and this happen." Or like maybe you make song requests on the radio all the way from heaven :)

Mostly, powerranger patel, I'm not ready to face the fact that there are no more memories to be made. Not in this life. It's so hard. You have been the best friend and brother to me. YOU drove me to school, helped me with homework, had picture message text-offs with me... forced me to watch Seinfeld. I don't really even like Seinfeld but I watch it for you sometimes. :) But you already knew that. Remember when we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? And we laughed so hard when the turtles were kept in a can?

I get sad when I know you won't be at my wedding, you won't make fun of my potentially ugly babies, you won't play anymore conference bingo with my family...you missed seeing Kam as a big bad missionary. Thank you for your words to him, by the way. He misses you too.

Anyway... I could write for ages but I think I'm making everyone sad and I know that you don't like it when people get sad.

Love,

Nikki

She found herself in wonderland.

a gray cloud moves across a blue sky
a single shadow casted as it drifts by

not even the sun can penetrate this blockade
heat is gone, and colors start to fade.

a sun that sets and never rises
oh world of unhappy surprises...

give me rest.