Dear Jamie,
I still miss you every day. It's finals week - at this point in time we usually text about how we aced something, failed something terribly or whatever. I had a spanish oral interview yesterday. I shook in fear the whole time. I got so scared I stopped talking. I was almost crying. It was so ridiculous - you would have laughed SO hard at me.
I was going through my iTunes just a bit ago. Your music-thumbprint is all over my playlist. Sometimes I play certain songs over and over again like maybe they'll bring you back or something. Sometimes I find myself rummaging through the memorabilia I have from our funny times together. Pictures, letters, anything. I know that if I assemble these things together that it won't change anything, but I'm still not ready for you to be gone.
All of those problems I was having have mostly sorted themselves out. I like to think that maybe you're having fun up there, changing the outcomes of our lives with all of your new-found immense immortal power. Like maybe you chill up there with God and say things like "Hey, Nikki would do something really funny if you made this and this happen." Or like maybe you make song requests on the radio all the way from heaven :)
Mostly, powerranger patel, I'm not ready to face the fact that there are no more memories to be made. Not in this life. It's so hard. You have been the best friend and brother to me. YOU drove me to school, helped me with homework, had picture message text-offs with me... forced me to watch Seinfeld. I don't really even like Seinfeld but I watch it for you sometimes. :) But you already knew that. Remember when we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? And we laughed so hard when the turtles were kept in a can?
I get sad when I know you won't be at my wedding, you won't make fun of my potentially ugly babies, you won't play anymore conference bingo with my family...you missed seeing Kam as a big bad missionary. Thank you for your words to him, by the way. He misses you too.
Anyway... I could write for ages but I think I'm making everyone sad and I know that you don't like it when people get sad.
Love,
Nikki
1 comment:
Jamie would have liked that blog post :) Thanks for writing it. He's wanting us to smile when we think of him. I saw a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt in Hot Topic. I thought about you and Jamie. :)
Post a Comment