I Am

I Am

I am too many things
I wonder how to compartmentalize each emotion
I hear the shuffling of my thoughts
I see blank spaces waiting to be filled
I want to be far away from where I am.
I am too many things

I pretend that I have control
I feel happy and sad, sure and unsure all at once.
I touch keys. computer keys. piano keys. car keys.
I worry that I may unintentionally hurt people
I cry because I miss Jamie
I am too many things

I understand that God gives us the answers.
I say that it's okay to feel your feelings outloud
I dream about eating with world class chefs.
I try to remember who I am
I hope that you don't mind my very elementary "I Am" poem
I am too many things



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The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days

They see a threat because I am original.

Nikki scratched at her notebook with her pen.
"J. Alfred Prufrock"
She stared at her writing, something was definitely missing.
After a little pondering she scratched again,
"J. Alfred Prufrock...is a waste of time."

The sentence gleamed at her as though she had uncovered some treasure of truth from underneath the dirt-pile of hodgepodge and nonsense that her professor was burying her in.

...."many speculate that he might have been gay" continued the professor. More dirt.

Nikki's mind wandered. Her foot tapped against the leg of her chair.
Her imagination let her lunge from her seat. Now she could jab the professor to a slow and painful death.

"Professor: Death by multiple pen jabs!" is what the headlines of the paper would read.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bad teacher" she'd say.
"You deserve an A!" She'd say!

Nikki blinked.
Reality.
No death-by-pen-jabbed professor.
Just the lonely love song of J. Alfred Prufrock and the reminder to not dare disturb the universe.