Departure Day

It's been a while. I've had a bit of a dry spell, I guess. Everything worth writing about has been to important for a public blog, so it's been somewhere else.

You know. Girls and their diaries.

Anyway - it's time to revive the blog....at least for now. Because I'm going to Mexico. Between traveling alone, as a vegan with celiac disease and a compromised immune system...If I can't come up with something interesting to write, then I should never write again.

Today, right now, I travel. Currently, I'm sitting the freezing Atlanta airport and trying to keep myself entertained. And warm.

I've been up since 0430 hours, and in the last 8 hours I've stood in the longest security line of my life, I've been groped (apparently wearing a sparkly shirt through those body scanners just makes you look like you're sprinkled in shrapnel or something), I've cleaned out a currency exchange office of their entire stock of pesos (luckily, I was the first customer of the day...at 6AM), made an airplane friend, and walked the entire length of the Atlanta airport.

I even had time to squeeze an episode of Grey's Anatomy in. Parting is such sweet sorrow....

By the way, the first flight (MSP - ATL) was so cold, it refrigerated my water. I'm pretty sure between the cold airplane and airport, I'm going to get hypothermia. I'll die before I ever even get to Oaxaca.

Oh, I should talk about that. Why am I going to Oaxaca? Well, there are a few reasons.

1.) The insatiable appetite for travel. I was born into the world. Not into a city, a town, a state. The world. This is my home, and I want to make sure I know my neighbors, brothers, sisters, friends.

2.) Spanish. I've been working on and trying to learn Spanish for a while. I'm a fairly functional reader/writer/listener...but I'm basically mute as far as speaking is concerned. I have never had to step outside my comfort zone. I have never had the Spanish-immersion experience. I'll be at an immersion school in Oaxaca - for 3 weeks - and living with a local family. If that doesn't force me to (as I tell my students) "use my words" then nothing will.

3.) El Dia de Los Muertos. I remember learning about it in school when I was 13. But textbooks and google searches and a 40 minute class period can only take you so far. I've wanted to experience this for myself for quite some time. Nothing makes you feel more like a grown up (and a totally awesome person) than actually crossing some things of your childhood "dreams" list.

There are other reasons, too. But you've got the ones you need :D

I've got another airport to sit in this afternoon. 4.5 hours in Mexico City. Hopefully I pass through customs without issue. Maybe I'll make a few more new friends. Then a quick flight to Oaxaca, a cab ride to my host family and....October.

Octubre.
Prepare for lift-off.

The Dilemma

I can't help but feel it, that guilty feeling. That feeling that I'm forcing people to go out of their way to accomodate an invisible illness. I can't help but wonder, "Do people exhale a sigh of relief if I decide not to join them for dinner?" Do they feel like a burden has been lifted because they don't have to "eat like me"?

I can't help but wonder, "Do people prefer if I don't go on a trip with them?" They can pack tortillas and bread into their backpacks as they head into the mountains, not a care in the world. Crackers, beef jerky, licorice, granola bars. Do they feel guilty for packing those things if I join them?

Why?

I do not care if you pack a sandwich. I do not care if you order pizza for dinner. I do not envy your powerbar. I do not miss the tortillas. My feelings are not hurt if you eat the cinnamon roll.

I don't change my eating habits for you. Why would I expect you to change your eating habits for me?

But...I can't help but wonder:

Would my parents prefer I skip Thanksgiving, so they don't feel obligated to the the wheat-less stuffing?
Do people prefer it when I decline their invitations for dinner, because they can more fully enjoy themselves?
Is it easier if I just don't eat at all?
Do people think I'm defected?
Should I pretend to eat that cookie so people don't know?
Should I just not say anything next time?
Is it okay that I write this blog?
Who am I making uncomfortable with my dilemma?
Do people think I'm just picky?
Is it okay if I don't want to pick the restaurant because I don't want this to rule my life?
Is it okay if I just eat where you want to eat? I usually make do.
Would my friends prefer I don't bring snacks to share with the class?
Is my food really all that bad tasting?
Why are people afraid to eat their food in front of me?
Why do they apologize when they eat in front of me?

I'm not starving. I'm not drooling. I'm not even desiring: that food hurts me. I don't want it. I'm not sorry I can't eat it.
I can't help but wonder:

Whose dilemma is this? It's certainly not mine.

Celiac Awareness Day

Today is National Celiac Awareness Day. I happen to have Celiac Disease.

People often think of Celiac as something minor, just 'a sensitivity'. I've heard time and again that, "it really can't be that bad" or "how can a food allergy be a disease?" and even "celiac and gluten allergies are just a fad diet."

Well, I'm here to set the record straight: Celiac Disease is no fad.

We are lucky that Celiac is as well known as it is. When I was a kid, Celiac wasn't even an option. It was rare. This mentality caused me a vast array of problems all throughout my childhood. I had a stomach ache every single day. My parents lectured me about lying and being sick because, "one day, when you are really sick, no one is going to believe you." (How could they have known that I wasn't pretending?). I threw up two+ times a month and was skinny, pale and lethargic.

Isn't that a perfect picture of what childhood should be? No. Of course not. Doctors thought I was being abused, my parents thought I was being bullied, my school nurses and teachers weren't sure what to think! I didn't even understand. I just resigned myself to living a life of constant illness.

I fought my health all the way through highschool, and into my first year of college. It was one day, after days of throwing up (and ultimately passing out at work) that I ended up in the ER with a doctor waving a diagnosis in front of me.

Celiac. That was the problem. He sat down next to me and told me that my organs were, essentially, trying to give up after 18 years of abuse. That is why I couldn't eat or even keep water down, that is why I passed out at work, that is why my head was full of fog. I was so full of gluten contamination that my body was trying to die.

That's right: my body was shutting down all because of a little protein found in grains.

Now, for the most part, I live a perfectly active, healthy life. My body has, of course, suffered permanent damage from the internal war I waged against it. I can't absorb vitamins in a proper way, I can't eat replacement grains (corn, potato starch, tapioca starch) without getting mildly ill. I can't eat raw vegetables because my stomach and intestines can't deal with the harshness of them. Sometimes I throw up for absolutely no reason at all.

Now, when I get glutened (as I like to call it) it is very much like having a bi-polar version of the stomach flu. The gluten in my body keeps me from absorbing vitamins, so I'm chronically hungry until it's filtered out of my system. But, when I eat, the gluten lingering in my system gets re-digested and makes me throw up, etc. It's not fun.

But the worst thing about it is the internal damage being caused:

The villi in the small intestine become damaged, leading to poor absorption of essential nutrients from your food, but at the same time, the body absorbs partially digested food, polluting the blood stream.

Poor absorption of nutrients leads to deficiencies in key vitamins and minerals. Anaemia is common amongst celiacs who continue to eat gluten-containing foods.

Eventually, extensive long-term damage can effect all the internal organs, and can be fatal.

There is also a higher incidence of bowel cancer among celiacs who have ingested gluten for a long period of time.

----

As I mentioned above, I struggle with digestion on a daily basis. I have permanently damaged parts of my colon and other areas of my digestive tract. There has even been talk about having to remove damaged or diseased parts of my digestive tract if improvements aren't made - all because of the damage that gluten has done to my body.

Celiac awareness is important. If we can diagnose and treat people from an early age, they can avoid the trials that are sure to follow.

I'm happy, I'm getting healthier every day, I'm lucky to be alive - and I'm a Celiac.

ps: I do not in any way, shape or form blame my parents for any of this. They did their best and there was no way they could have known what was wrong.

This Blog SHOULD Be About Mother's Day....Instead....

I am sitting on my boyfriend's couch...and I am feeling totally defeated.

I managed to hit my head hard enough on the freezer door to make myself throw up. Not to mention the dizziness when I stand, the strange pressure in my right ear, the shooting pain that visits my head and face in 20 seconds intervals...the eyes that won't completely focus, and the goose egg lump under my hair.

Freezer door: you have defeated me.

It doesn't help that I have a list of ailments pages longer than years I am old.

Un-curable blind spot in my left eye: You have defeated me.
Shoulder pain and muscle resistance that not even a physical therapist can fix: You have defeated me.
Achilles tendon that is too short: You have defeated me.
Endometriosis: You have defeated me.
Celiac Disease: You have defeated me.
Arrhythmia: You have defeated me.
Low Blood Pressure: You have defeated me.
Vitamin D that will not stay in my body: You have defeated me.
Potassium levels that are deathly low, even though I eat more potassium than a monkey in a Banana jungle: You have defeated me.
Soon-to-be-diagnosed-therefore-remaining-nameless ailments: You have defeated me.

Self esteem and self image: You have been defeated. I surrender.

On a positive note, I have a wonderful mother who I love dearly who I know loves me even if I am totally defeated and depleted.

The Hansen - Johnson Family Update

Well, Okay. We're not an official family.... yet! But, I have high hopes.

Anyway, Here's the news:

Nikki- That's me


I graduated college in December. I'm currently working for my dad's company part time, while also trying to find some part time work to supplement my income. I've been looking (unsuccessfully) for scholarships for my masters program. I've also been baking things, cleaning, reading new books (that aren't assigned readings, woohoo) and trying to make new friends.

Matt - The cute boyfriend


Matt has actually has a lot of exciting things going on. I'm slightly jealous. He recently attended a straight-razor shaving event. He uses a straight razor to shave, and is learning all there is to know (honing, stroping, restoring). He met a cool guy who makes knives and swords. He also got accepted into a fire-fighting (fire chasers... you know, the ones who help to put out the out of control forest/prairie fires in the summer) program. He'll be gone for 5 days to do that. He is very excited about it. He also is doing well at work.

Apollo - my serious cat

Apollo is doing well. He enjoyed a little vacation at Matt's apartment, eating plants...knocking things down, chasing toys. He spends his days laying on my heater or pestering my other cat. He won't eat his food unless I crumble dried seaweed on it, and he likes dog chews so much that he will attack anyone who gets within 1 foot of him while he eats it.

Iggy - my "special" cat

Iggy has been having a rough time. He was recently neutered (because he was spraying). The spraying has since stopped. Unfortunately, his hair eating habit has worsened. He licks and licks and scratches to the point where most of his body now looks like the image below. He has a vet appointment for wednesday, but I'm sure worried. Otherwise, he has a healthy appetite, likes to chase his toys and steal Apollo's food.


Cleo - the newest addition

Cleo is my new 6 week old panda hamster. They were trying to get rid of them quickly, because I got her for $15 (including everything I needed). I guess they don't do that often. It must have been meant to be :) She is super cute - although I don't think she knows how to use her water bottle...and that worries me. The cats are, of course, interested. They only like her when she's in her cage, though. I took her out this morning to show her to Iggy and he cried and ran away. Apollo just ignored her. She likes to run on her wheel, climb her cage, jump from her food platform, dig for food and sleep.



That's what we've got going on! I'll keep you posted on Iggy's condition (hopefully he's okay!) and anything else new or exciting that happens to come up!

Over and out. :)