I think I should have stuck with dental school.
One more semester of science and math classes and I could apply.
I always loved the idea of being a dentist. I am good enough to be a dentist. I'm even smart enough.
Truth be told - I'm tired of defending my major.
Person: "What are you going to school for?"
Me: "English."
Person: "...Oh."
Me: "and secondary education."
Person: "You want to be a teacher!"
Me: "yes."
Person: "I have a friend like you. She's in Med School."
....
I feel like it's never good enough - the English major. The teaching plan. I'm tired of feeling ashamed and inadequate - like somehow being an English teacher is an unworthy cause.
Sometimes the convos go:
Person: "What's your major?"
Me: "English... and secondary ed."
Person: "You know, 3 out of every 5 teachers doesn't make it through the first 5 years. They quit or work outside the realm of education."
-----
What are you trying to say? That you think I'm one of them? That I'm not strong, smart, tall, bold or brave enough? What will make you happy, people?
Maybe I will just go to dental school... and when I do - you better hope you don't end up at my practice. I might just forget to inject your lips with lidocaine.
Rah!
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Friday, April 9, 2010
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wrap your arms around me until your knuckles are burning white.
I think way too much.
I am tired of constantly reminding myself that the 'problems' don't lay with me.
It's my job to turn things around, to keep them positive.
It just gets so exhausting.
Growing up I was constantly in this dialogue with my father:
He would say: "Nikki, what is your job?"
My answer: "To keep [insert sibling name] happy."
This has worked against me in quite a few ways. I've come to learn that I come second to myself.
However, I've also convinced myself that [particularly in relationships] because my 'significant other' comes before me, that I am also #1 on his list.
On some level, I feel like it's absurd that I put others before me... and I find it even more absurd that I would put myself before another on their 'list'.... what a twisted web we've spun!
Pieces of me:
Sometimes I drive a little too fast
And don’t realize the time has passed
I turn the radio up way too loud
I’m trying to drive straight through my life
And drown out all I’ve left behind
But I don’t want to do that anymore
I am tired of constantly reminding myself that the 'problems' don't lay with me.
It's my job to turn things around, to keep them positive.
It just gets so exhausting.
Growing up I was constantly in this dialogue with my father:
He would say: "Nikki, what is your job?"
My answer: "To keep [insert sibling name] happy."
This has worked against me in quite a few ways. I've come to learn that I come second to myself.
However, I've also convinced myself that [particularly in relationships] because my 'significant other' comes before me, that I am also #1 on his list.
On some level, I feel like it's absurd that I put others before me... and I find it even more absurd that I would put myself before another on their 'list'.... what a twisted web we've spun!
Pieces of me:
Sometimes I drive a little too fast
And don’t realize the time has passed
I turn the radio up way too loud
I’m trying to drive straight through my life
And drown out all I’ve left behind
But I don’t want to do that anymore
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