Wrap your arms around me until your knuckles are burning white.

I think way too much.
I am tired of constantly reminding myself that the 'problems' don't lay with me.
It's my job to turn things around, to keep them positive.
It just gets so exhausting.

Growing up I was constantly in this dialogue with my father:
He would say: "Nikki, what is your job?"
My answer: "To keep [insert sibling name] happy."

This has worked against me in quite a few ways. I've come to learn that I come second to myself.
However, I've also convinced myself that [particularly in relationships] because my 'significant other' comes before me, that I am also #1 on his list.

On some level, I feel like it's absurd that I put others before me... and I find it even more absurd that I would put myself before another on their 'list'.... what a twisted web we've spun!

Pieces of me:

Sometimes I drive a little too fast
And don’t realize the time has passed
I turn the radio up way too loud

I’m trying to drive straight through my life
And drown out all I’ve left behind
But I don’t want to do that anymore