Why Oaxaca, and...Don't I Miss My Family?

So, occasionally Jethro and I play the "you ask me a question, and then I ask you a question" game. Yesterday, he asked me the following questions:

1.) Why Oaxaca? 

2.) Don't you miss your family?

A veces, Jethro y yo jugamos el "pregúntame algo" juego. 

Ayer, me preguntó dos preguntas:

1.) ¿Por qué Oaxaca?

2.) ¿Extrañas a tu familia?

I get these questions from other people as well, and figured they'd make for an interesting blog post. If you end up super bored, I apologize. 

Otras personas me han preguntado esto también, y pienso que están buenos temas para un nuevo ''blog post.''

Si mueras de aburrimiento, te ofrezco mis disculpas. 

Actually, I don't. 

Ok, maybe a little. 

...o tal vez no. 

Okay. Quizá un poco. 

Anyway - let's start with #1: Why Oaxaca?

-- When I decided to have the immersion Spanish experience, I asked around. I asked friends who had done Spanish immersion programs all over the place, and they said 1.) do it, it'll work wonders on your Spanish and 2.) go to Oaxaca. 

People who studied in Puebla, Chiapas, Guatemala, Mexico City, and Guadalajara had all come, at some point, to Oaxaca...and it made a big enough impression that all of them said "go there." It didn't hurt that the price was also ridiculously reasonable...and that a lifelong dream of mine to experience a genuine Day of the Dead could be attained in Oaxaca. 

Okay. Vamos a empezar con #1: ¿Por qué Oaxaca?

-- Cuando decidí tener la experiencia de inmersión de español, pregunté a unos amigos que ya habían estudiado en programas en lugares diferentes (en México y otros países) y me dijeron dos cosas... 1.) hazlo! va a ayudar a tu español! y 2.) vete a Oaxaca! 

Gente que había estudiado en Puebla, Chiapas, Guatemala, el DF, y Guadalajara habían visitado a Oaxaca y la ciudad les hizo una impresión fuerte...tan fuerte que todas mis dijeron venir aquí. Y también el precio estaba muy reasonable...y tuve el sueño de tener la experience del Día de los Muertos...y sabía que podría actualizar este sueño aquí. 

So I bought the tickets...and within days was in love. 

Here's the thing...I was born an outsider. I was born in Germany to American parents, I was raised in Japan with blonde hair and blue eyes and an intermediate grasp of the language. I lived overseas longer than I lived in my legal country. I have always been a foreigner everywhere I go, including the US...and if I have to be a gaijin, foreigner, extranjera... I might as well be allowed to choose a place where that doesn't bother me. 

And it doesn't bother me here. 

I finally feel like I have a home, and I refuse to walk away from that feeling. 

Compré mis boletos y me enamoré en unos días. 

Fíjate que siempre he estado una "extranjera." Nací una extranjera. Nací en Alemania a papás de los EEUU, crecí en Japón con cabello rubio y ojos claros y con una comprensión intermedia del idioma. Viví afuera de los EEUU más años que viví en el país. Siempre he estado una extranjera en todas partes, incluso mi ''propio''país...y si tengo que ser un ''gaijin'' o ''foreigner'' or ''extranjera''...¿por qué no elijo el lugar por mi misma? 

Y aquí no me molesta que soy diferente, que soy extranjera, güera, gaijin... porque finalmente me siento como si tuviera un hogar, y me niego rechazar este sentimiento.  

So here comes question #2: Don't you miss your family?

The quick and easy answer is: yes, of course. 

But in the time I've lived overseas, or on the opposite side of the country, I've learned that my family is only ever 12 - 15 hours away (with flights and layover times...25ish hours by vehicle). I grew up understanding that families can love each other without living next door to one another. 

Llegamos a pregunta #2: ¿Extrañas a tu familia?

La respuesta corta es: claro que sí....

...pero en el tiempo que he vivido ''afuera'' o lejos, pero en el mismo país, he aprendido que mi familia siempre está cerca... 12 - 15 horas por avión, o 25 horas por coche. Crecí con el entendimiento de que families pueden querer y apoyar uno a otro sin estar vecinos.  

I do occasionally lament that I can't attend every school function my siblings have, but at the same time they know - without a doubt - that there is no one in this world who loves them more than I do...and that I will easily shake the sun out of the sky to make the important things happen. 

A veces me lamento el hecho de que no había podido asistir cada evento de las vidas de mis hermanitos, pero al mismo tiempo saben que - sin duda - no hay nadie en este mundo que los quiere más que yo, y que fácilmente quitaría al sol del cielo para hacer posible las cosas importantes.  

Plus, living overseas gives my family the opportunity to travel somewhere new and do something exciting. :) 

Además, vivir en otro país presenta a mi familia con la oportunidad para viajar a un lugar nuevo, y hacer algo diferente. 

The hard and dirty truth is this: I'm really happy. 

Oaxaca makes me happy. 

My life here is a happy one. 

My family is happy that I am happy. 

So I suppose, now, I turn the tables and ask you the same questions...

1.) Why are you where you are?

2.)  How does your family factor in the equation?

La verdad - simple y clara es: Estoy muy feliz. 

Estar en Oaxaca me hace feliz. 

Mi vida aquí en una vida feliz. 

Mi familia está feliz porque estoy feliz. 

Ahora, te pregunto las mismas cosas....

1.) ¿Por qué estás donde estás?

2.) ¿Como afecta esto tu familia? 

A Love Letter

I love Oaxaca.

I realize that this isn't a huge secret. But it is the truth. I just love it here.
I've been sick since before I got here...but do I care?

No.
How can I?
I'm in love with Oaxaca, and who can be sick when they are in love?

There's enough out there for me to enjoy that I find a way to conquer whatever it is that ails me, and put myself in the sun. On the terrace. In the streets.

I've been here a week, but it feels like forever....in the best way. Like the pieces finally fit. Like somehow, I was always here.

TCKs will understand this. For example, I was walking down the street thinking today about normal things: groceries, my plans for holidays, doctors appointments, hanging out with friends..

...and at no point did I stop to think, "In the next place I live, I'll...."

Nope. That door is closed for now. There is no next place I'd rather live. Not yet. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next April.

I suppose I never stopped to think about what beautiful feels like.
But it feels like this.

And I hope someday, you find it too.

What Not to Say to Military Brats.

So there are about a million lists on the internet of things not to say to military spouses or families, but there aren't really any lists of things not to say specifically related to military children. People often forget that the children are really in it as much as the rest of them. Military "brats" are uprooted often, and forced to undergo dramatic changes and adapt to new environments quickly. That process is hard enough. Military kids - even as adults - often find it's hard to connect to people who haven't had similar experiences because of the complete lack of understanding surrounding this type of upbringing. It's just as foreign as they are (insert hearty military brat chuckle here).

So next time you're talking to a military brat - young or old....try taking a few pointers from this list:

Things not to say to a very young military brat:
- Don't you miss your mommy/daddy? (Ya think?)
- Did your mommy/daddy bring you back something cool? (Yes. They came home alive. Isn't that cool?)
- S/he'll be back before you know s/he was gone. (Hmmm, I'm pretty sure that's a lie.)

Things not to say to a young military brat:
- Doesn't it make you sad that s/he's missed all your birthdays? (and most Thanksgivings, school performances, first words/steps/dates....of course.)
- Why can't you go visit him? (Because he's in a war-zone.).
- Does s/he call you often? (Actually, no, and sometimes I don't know where s/he is. And sometimes, neither does my other parent).
- My kids know how you feel; I left for a week once and.... (and stop talking now).
- Aren't you worried about making new friends after you move? (Yes. I'm terrified. But I don't really have a choice in the matter and if I'm lucky I'll move to a military base full of people willing to be my friend from day 1).

Things not to say to an pre-teen to teenaged military brat (actually, just...don't say any of these things ever...at any age...):
- Do you think s/he's killed anybody? (Maybe. Do you want to be next to find out?)
- I bet it's really hard having to take on the extra responsibility of a missing parent. (Yes. It is hard to juggle school, jobs, dating, growing up, and supporting my seemingly-single parent. Thanks for pointing that out.)
- Has your younger sister/brother even spent any time with your mom/dad? (Rude.)
- It's kind of like your parents are divorced, except they aren't; your parent's paycheck is kind of like child support, since they're never home. (Really rude.)
- Do you think your younger brother/sister would have less emotional/psychological/behavioral problems at home/school if your parents wasn't gone all the time? (Did you really just go there?)
- So you were born in Germany? (Yes). Are you adopted? (Yes/No). Do you speak the language? (No.) So you're not really German? (No. Unless I was adopted. And then yes, but I still don't speak the language. Your ancestry is Finnish...do you speak Finnish?)
- Aren't you worried your parent is going to get killed? (What if I say no?)
- I bet you get away with a lot of stuff because you only have one parent. (I have two.)
- I bet you get away with a lot of stuff because your parents feel guilty. (Uhm, no. And have you ever met a military parent? I can't get away with anything, because somehow the parent on deployment still knows. My room is probably bugged.)
- Aren't you glad your mom/dad is back from deployment? (Of course I am. Now let me talk you through the complex social and structural changes that occur when a parent who has been deployed 3 - 18 months returns.)

Things not to say to upper teenaged - adult military brats:
- Do you think s/he's had an affair, since s/he is gone so much? (Do I even know you?).
- Hasn't all that time at war made your parent really angry/violent/depressed/withdrawn/aggressive? (Possibly. In what way are you benefited by knowing this information?)
- Wow, I'm sure that really damaged your family dynamic. (We're as functional as the rest of them).
- Wow, I bet your relationship with him/her is really complicated. (Not any more complicated than yours is with your parents).
- Military members shouldn't be allowed to have kids, it just seems too hard. (Thank you?)
- Is your parent disappointed you're not joining/in the service? (Is yours disappointed that you're so dense?)
- It must have been awesome having free dental and health care. (Manic laughter border-lining on tears here).
- Aren't you sad you didn't get to have a normal childhood? (Well, that was my only childhood, so...it was normal to me. And was it hard? Sure. But am I sorry that I got to see more of the world in the first 7 years of my life alone than most people see ever? Not really.)
- I'm sorry. That must have been a terrible way to grow up. (Actually, not really).
- Why do you still have an ID, you weren't in the military...
- Why are you sad you don't have your ID anymore, it's not like you were in the military... (You're right. I made 0 sacrifices and deserve 0 benefits. By the way...are you still on your parent's healthcare plan? Right. Shut up.)

So remember, next time you meet someone and you ask where they're from...and they make a painful expression and say, "Well, I'm a military brat..." that they are expecting all of ^^^ that to follow. End the vicious cycle of idiocy by offering more supportive or affirmative statements (like, "Wow, I bet it was fun to travel a lot!" or "Did you meet many interesting people, living in that many places?")

I'm sure there are more "what not to say"phrases, but these are just the ones I could remember hearing or being asked. If you have others to add, throw them in the comments and I'll add them.

Over and out.