Will They Know?

As a teacher in a city-school, I have my bakers dozen of kids that make me cry. They make me cry for different reasons. I cry when they exasperate me. I cry when they distract the class from learning. I cry when I think about the system that is failing them. I cry when they fail. I cry when they succeed. I cry when they cry.

Tonight, I have one young man in mind. I knew 5 weeks ago that this would be a student who I would cry over.

The first days, he was hesitant to do anything. I could see his frustrations with schoolwork boiling up into his eyes and spilling out in a variety of ways: tears, dancing and singing, throwing stuff, fighting. Everyday with this young man has been an absolute battle.

Two weeks ago, we had an open-notes quiz. He had all the notes in his binder, but they were so disorganized he didn't want to look through them. Slowly, we went through and pulled them all out and when he realized he had enough notes to get a B on the quiz, the biggest smile came across his face and he looked at me and said, "Oh. I can do this."

Yes, I thought. Yes - you can. You've always been able to do this. But for him to recognize that in himself was the key. It was a pivotal moment in our teacher-student relationship, and his relationship with his schoolwork.

Over the course of the next few days, he handed in all of his assignments. The effort he'd put into them was obvious, and he beamed at me as he handed them in.

"I bet these ones will be as good as my quiz!"

This young man is tender-hearted, but he's impulsive. Like most 12 year old boys, he acts before he thinks. He sees a friend in the hall, he's going to go to the hall. He feels like chatting with his buddy 6 rows over, he's going to get up and chat with his buddies. He hates the girl behind him? He is going to tell her, and when she comes back with "Boy, I'mma slap the shit out of you" he stands up and meets her request for battle.

This week, his impulsivity got the best of him.

5 weeks of piecing together the puzzle of this young man - so, so delicately - has been shattered. His eagerness and desire to please - to be included, to be heard in this world....those things took over.

He brought a knife to school. Kids were threatened.

It's heartbreaking. Just as we were making progress. Just as he was beginning to believe in himself, just as he was starting to understand that you can play the game of school without getting played yourself - that classrooms can be a place where we learn and grow and laugh and love and cry and live...

Over. Before it even started.

So I worry. I cry for him. I wonder - will there be another teacher in his future who will give him the time and space he needs to grow? Will they keep him in the classroom and let him know that he belongs there - not in the office? Will they let his behaviors keep him from learning?

Will they let his behaviors keep them from trying to teach him?

I'm Gonna Run Right Up This Hill - Summer Sky or Winter Chill.

Today was my first day at Crosswinds as an actual teacher. Granted, I'm only there teaching a one-week unit as part of an assignment, and it's all very safe and contained....I am still very excited about the whole ordeal.

So, we're teaching our units in groups (I'm paired...or trio'd as it were) with Ali and Teran. Our unit is a print journalism unit, and by the end of the week the kids will have written little articles that we will then put into a class newspaper! We're very excited about it - at least, I know I am very excited about it - which is why I think it hit me so hard when one of the kids told their friend during the passing period that they found the class boring. Seriously. I guess when you put your heart and soul into something, you just want them to love it as much as you do.

I will say that I really enjoyed trying out some "classroom ecology" techniques. My class is a mix of 6, 7 and 8th graders...so getting them (and keeping them) all on task has been pretty difficult....especially because we aren't their regular teachers, they aren't getting graded and... oh...they're all the struggling readers or the students that are falling behind. FURTHERMORE - the broadcasting journalism teacher told one of them that print journalism is boring and useless.

Thanks.

I wish that the students were being held accountable for their work in the class. They really have no incentive to participate.

It was awesome to see the different group dynamics between periods 1 and 2. Group 1 was quieter and a little more difficult to motivate. Group 2 was energetic and full of opinions (and slightly hard to keep on task). Even though it has been one day, it's been interesting to think about how we will have to adjust for the different classes. Tomorrow, I am being recorded for an assignment and I'm pretty nervous about it. But I am also excited to be able to review myself and see what I could be doing better (and also give myself some praise for the things I'm good at).

I wish we had done a better job with making the assignments relavent (just for today). We did some really meaningful activities, but we didn't really bring them full circle. I also think we could have focused the classes attention's a little more. I think we got swept up in the chaos of the first day - by the time I'd realized what we'd done, I couldn't jump in and save us. Our window had passed.

But, there is always tomorrow - and I think it will be a good, productive (and more guided) day.

And this is my theme song: